Jagger Read online

  “I’ve never been with a man in that way.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’ve never sucked––”

  “I got that,” he cuts me off.

  His hands go to my face, and he looks at me as if I’m coming out of space. He tilts his head to the side and searches my eyes as if he wants to make sure I’m not drunk or high or the victim of some unexplained confusion.

  “How many men have you been with?”

  His eyes soften, flashing... sympathy?

  My heart tumbles to the floor.

  “Two. The fuck buddy once and my husband.”

  He tears away from me, his hands going up in the air as if he just found out I’m not of legal age. I reach to my thighs and pull my G-string up, feeling so embarrassed and stupid.

  “Are you serious?” he asks, unable to shake off his surprise.

  He rakes his hand through his hair, flexing his muscles.

  “How old are you?” he asks.

  My lips curve into a sad smile. I knew it would come to this.

  “How old do you think I am?”

  “I don’t know. Twenty something?”

  “I’m twenty-four,” I say, waiting for his reaction.

  He doesn’t bat a lash.

  He stands in the middle of my kitchen, his hands clasped on his hips, his jeans barely hanging onto him, his torso naked.

  “I told you I’m older than you,” I say, coldly, and turn away from him.

  Reaching to the cupboard, I pull out a ceramic mug and the stainless steel kettle.

  “You want anything to drink?” I ask with an icy voice.

  Calm, I fill the kettle with water. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch his stare.

  “I don’t care how old you are, Violet,” he says.

  I set the kettle on the stove and pivot to him.

  “I think you do. Anyway... The point is if you’re looking for a more experienced woman, I’m not that kind of woman,” I say, half-jokingly, half sarcastically.

  He reads right through me.

  “For fuck’s sake, Violet! Do you really think I need to learn how to fuck? Is that what you think? Or do you think I don’t have enough women to fuck? How can you be so fucking blind?” he shouts, desperation threading through his voice.

  My smile falls off my face, my chin quivering as tears pile up in my eyes.

  “I’m not blind, Jagger... It’s just not possible,” I murmur and turn away from him.

  The few moments of silence between us feel like a curse before his footsteps move away, and the door hits the wall with a bang as it swings shut, the old clock sliding off the wall, pulverizing on the floor.

  9

  Diligently, I cut the cake, some of the guests observing the process from the side.

  “So, what kind of cake is this?” Lorraine asks, pulling the dessert plates out of the cupboard.

  “Chocolate cake with dark chocolate mousse, and Swiss Buttercream icing,” I say.

  Tom takes a bite, his eyes lighting up. A chocolate curl rolls down his blue shirt. Lorraine picks it up and tosses it into a napkin, watching him with loving eyes.

  “Happy Birthday, darling!” she says and kisses him on his cheeks.

  He smiles, content.

  “Mmm... This is really good,” he says, the guests agreeing as they taste it too.

  My sister passes the plates around. The cake is quite a success and a fun topic of conversation.

  The evening goes by smoothly, filled with long-winded dialogues about money, politics, and jobs. I leave before midnight, and forty-five minutes later I pull in front of my home.

  The street is empty and quiet.

  I turn off the engine, grab my purse, step out of the car and smooth my dress. My heels click-clack on the pavement, my gaze flying to the door. A shudder rolls through me as I spot him sitting on the stairs.

  His bare knees push through ripped, stonewashed jeans, an unbuttoned shirt, the color of snow, clinging to his shoulders. The sleeves are rolled up, his elbows propped on his knees, his face buried in his hands, his bare feet resting on the stairs.

  An empty bottle sits next to him.

  The sight of him despondent tightens my chest.

  He doesn’t look at me.

  “Jagger?” I call him softly as I edge to him.

  He raises his eyes.

  They’re tender and cloudy, their sadness flowing right through me.

  My hands begin to tremble.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Waiting for you...” he says, his heavy voice drilling holes in my heart.

  I set my purse on the side, and kneel between his legs.

  Running my hands up his thighs, I search his eyes.

  “Are you drunk?”

  He shakes his head and lowers his eyes, and for a moment I grasp the essence of him. He’s so young and wild and... free. He’s everything I never was, and everything I want to be.

  He glances at me again, and mixed emotions pour over me as I realize how much it hurts me to see his pain.

  “Where were you, Violet?”

  My fingers trail the smooth line of his jaw, gently stroking his skin.

  He’s perfect in so many ways.

  “Is that why you’re here?”

  “Were you with him?”

  His voice sounds shattered.

  Folding my legs under me, I sit on my heels, and rest my hands on his knees.

  “Would it matter to you?” I ask, and he gives me a slow nod, his eyes dipping to my lips.

  “What if I were?” I throw at him, and his lips curve into a rueful smile.

  “I’d love to be that man...” he says so soft my eyes get misty.

  Curling my arms around his shanks, I press my brow against his knees. His fingers slip into my hair, slowly stroking me. A stray tear trickles down my face.

  “You can be that man...” I murmur, and he tips my chin up and looks at me, surprised and incredulous, his eyes coming to life.

  Pushing up to my knees, I lean on him. He presses his back against the door, his arms curling around me.

  “I wasn’t with anyone,” I say softly, his fingers wrapping around my neck, his breath rolling over my lips.

  “You’ll give me a chance then...?”

  I shrug and smile.

  “It’s more than that... I don’t have much to give,” I say, and his eyes go dark again.

  “I don’t want much,” he says, and I smile, my fingers softly brushing his face.

  Maybe he doesn’t. But maybe I will. And then, what?

  “Why are you so afraid?” he murmurs, and I feel him close, so close to the truth...

  “Is this what you’re afraid of?” he asks lowering his mouth, breathing softly on my lips.

  His eyes dip, his hand cupping my neck.

  I part my lips, and he smoothly enters me, his tongue sliding in, sensual and addictive, loving me and tasting me.

  Moaning, I respond to him, our tongues sealed in a kiss, my arms twined around his neck, the fire coming from his lips falling through me.

  He moves his hand between us and slips it under my skirt. At first he strokes my thighs, and then slowly he moves up and up until he slips his hand between my legs, his thumb tracing my slit through the fabric of my panties.

  “We can’t do this...” I mumble, tearing my lips away and glancing down the street.

  The light is dim, the street is dark and sunk in silence.

  “Mm-hmm.... Yes, we can...” he says, boldly slipping his fingers beneath the lace, slowly stroking my clit.

  Wetness drips between my legs, the churning heat inside my belly pushing me to his lips again. I swirl my tongue, and arch my back, my mounds craving to be touched.

  He presses his chest against me, and more heat rolls over me, and then he strokes me faster as I begin to edge. Pressed into his body, I feel his fingers entering me, and my growl explodes in his mouth.

  Shudder after shudder rush through me as I s
hake my hips.

  Oh, my God!

  As I slow down, we break the kiss. The corners of his lips lift with a smile.

  “So...” he says, his fingers still dipping into the pool of my arousal.

  “So what?” I ask, still catching my breath, hot and wet, barely keeping myself from moaning again.

  “Is that what you’re afraid of?” he asks pulling his fingers away, grabbing my hand and placing it on the bulge between his legs.

  I start stroking him through his jeans and before I know it I slip my other hand in his hair and I start kissing him again, feasting on him, the hunger boiling in my blood unstoppable.

  His shaft twitches in my hand, a low moan creeping up his throat. He grabs my ass, and holds my body against his, while sucking the air out of my lungs, his passion utterly addictive, his body truly made for love...

  I have to stop.

  I break the kiss and try to get a grasp of reality.

  I can’t believe I’m lying on top of him, stroking his erection, his chest bare, his jeans barely clinging onto him, his eyes burning, his hair tousled.

  We didn’t even make it inside.

  His hands cup my face.

  “What is it, baby? Tell me what you’re afraid of. Talk to me.”

  “It’s too early to talk about it.”

  “Then, don’t talk about it, but don’t think about it either.”

  I look at him, incredulous.

  “Is that how it works in your world? It’s that easy?”

  He smiles.

  “Yes, it is. I only want what you’re willing to give me.”

  “You don’t know what I’m willing to give you.”

  “Let’s find out then.”

  “What if I want more?”

  “Do you?”

  His eyes sparkle filled with hope as he waits for my response.

  “Can you give me more?” I ask.

  “That’s something you’ll have to find out on your own,” he says, flashing a mysterious smile.

  “Just so you know, my reservations have nothing to do with you,” I say.

  “I know,” he says with confidence and wisdom beyond his years.

  “I don’t want to push you away, but I was locked in a relationship before, and it was suffocating. I’m not saying that this is the same, but I just want something different… Perhaps a bit of freedom. That’s all,” I say, my insides twisting as I anticipate a negative reaction from him.

  He remains silent for a moment, searching my eyes.

  “I’m your man, Violet. I crave that freedom too,” he says, and I can’t detect the slightest hint of irony, humor, or even an undertone in his voice.

  He looks straight into my eyes, serious.

  “I didn’t mean other women,” I say.

  “I know exactly what you mean. You want freedom between us,” he says his gaze sinking deep into my eyes, and I feel him in my heart.

  “Yes. I guess that’s another way to put it,” I say.

  “So, we’re good?” he asks.

  “Yes.”

  “Then, you’ll let me be your friend.”

  “You’re already my friend.”

  “I am?” he asks, amused.

  “Mm-hmm...”

  “Then let's do stuff together.”

  “Like what?”

  His eyes glimmer with a sly smile.

  “Besides that,” I say, grinning.

  “We can go to the beach.”

  “Okay.”

  “We can do anything you like.”

  “I don’t know what I like... That’s one of the reasons I got divorced... Among other things,” I mumble.

  His smile drops from his face, and instantly, I regret bringing it up.

  “Was it love? With him?” he asks, guarded.

  “I don’t know. Love means different things to different people. I had no idea what love was at that time.”

  “Do you know now?” he asks, his eyes lighting up with a small smile.

  “You’re very clever, Mister.”

  I push off him and rise to my feet, swiftly running my hand over my skirt. He tilts his head back and takes me in, his hands sliding up my thighs, pushing my dress up.

  I grab his hands.

  “Let’s go inside for fuck’s sake,” I say.

  He leaps up, grinning. His hand rests on the back of my neck, his lips trailing my temple as I unlock the door.

  “I’ll change into something comfortable.”

  I spin just in time to catch the mischievous smile sprawled on his lips.

  “Don’t get any ideas. I’m not going to let you touch me.”

  “You mean, not more than you already have..?” he tosses at me, and I waggle my finger at him.

  “Too bad... I can make you come,” he says, and I shake my head.

  He’s like a cat. He’ll do whatever the hell he wants, and I can’t throw him out.

  “I know you can make me come,” I say, kicking off my shoes. “That’s not the problem.”

  “Then, what is it?” he asks folding his arms over his chest, leaning against the kitchen counter.

  “I like it too much.”

  He flashes a full mouth grin.

  “Is that bad?”

  “It could be... in the long run.”

  He shrugs.

  “Who cares about the long run? You just said it, there is no long run,” he says, and there’s a hint of humor in his words, but also a bit of sadness.

  We lock eyes for a moment, and he holds my gaze, craftily hiding his emotions.

  “We could be dead before that anyway...” he says, his eyes glinting with the fearlessness you only have when you're very young and not broken.

  “Well, we might not be by the time the future makes us pay for our mistakes,” I say, sounding like my mom.

  “You...”

  His lips purse into a cute pout, crushing a smile.

  “What?”

  “You’re going to get mad at me,” he says.

  “I won’t.”

  “Promise?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “That sounded... old.”

  He scrunches up his nose, and I start laughing.

  “You’re such an ass,” I say as I strip out of my dress and throw it in his face.

  He crumples it and buries his face in it.

  “You smell so fucking good,” he says, his eyes drifting on me, taking me in, inch by inch.

  Without breaking his stare, he tosses the dress to the couch and gives his cock a slow stroke.

  “You’re so fucking hot,” he says, the outline of his erection visible against his jeans.

  He takes a step forward.

  “Stay where you are, or I’ll throw you out.”

  He freezes, and I unclasp my bra and hurl it at him, one arm covering my breasts. He catches the bra, runs it over his face and drops it on the sofa as well. He tips his head to the side, his lips curving into a sly smile.

  “You haven’t gotten any in a long time, have you?”

  “Don’t be a jerk. You know it because I told you.”

  “Mm-hmm...” he says and bites his lip, his eyes roaming over me. “Come on. I want the last piece.”

  “Just so you know... I’m gonna lock the bathroom, so don’t get any ideas... “

  “I won’t,” he says unable to suppress his smile.

  “And if you’re still here when I get out, I want some tea.”

  “I’ll make tea,” he mutters, his eyes glued to my panties. “I want to see you... Don’t be a coward.”

  Hooking my fingers around the strings, I slide my panties off me.

  “Clean shaven. Mmm...”

  He bites the inside of his cheeks, a smile flaring in his eyes.

  “So you were getting ready and if it wasn’t for your fuck buddy...” he says, and I sling my panties to him.

  He catches them and brings them to his lips, his eyes getting drunk and hazy.

  “They’re fucking drenched. Mmm...
I love your scent,” he says, his lips parting and curling into a wanton smile, his fingers sweeping his erection again, his eyes scorching me.

  Grinning, I spin around and slip into the bathroom.

  Rushed, I lock the door.

  “You’re a cruel woman...” he says jokingly as he gives me a swift once-over.

  The low rise cotton shorts fit snug on my butt. The cropped tank top stretches across my chest. My hair is still damp from the shower.

  I look around. Lit candles spread a trembling light over the room.

  “Your tea is ready,” he says and sips from a tall black mug.

  “I’m not cruel. That’s how I dress... normally.”

  “Right,” he says.

  He sets his cup on the counter, folds his arms across his chest, and examines me as I bring the mug to my lips.

  I study him over the rim.

  “So how come of all places you’ve picked Rapt?” I ask.

  “I’ve applied to a lot of different places, but they were the first to offer me a job...” A mysterious smile sparkles in his eyes. “I didn’t know about Rapt until I found a leaflet on your lawn after the moving truck left.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “So... you’ve seen me before?”

  He avoids my eyes, grinning.

  “Jagger?”

  “Yeah. Of course, I did.”

  “What do you mean of course you did? How come I had no idea you live next door?”

  He shrugs.

  “I don’t know...”

  “I’ve seen lights, but I’ve never seen you.”

  “Well, I was home...”

  “But you haven’t had people over.”

  “True.”

  “So you knew who I was... That day, in the elevator?”

  “Yeah... I knew you were my neighbor.”

  “You could’ve said something.”

  “Why? I loved the way you felt me up thinking I’m a stranger,” he says.

  “I didn’t feel you up...” I say, my smile giving me away.

  “Yes, you did...”

  “Well, maybe, But it wasn’t intentional.”

  “Do you do that often?”

  Heat spreads over my cheeks. I grab the kitchen towel, ball it up and throw it in his face. He catches it and throws it back to me. I duck out of the way, and the towel lands in the sink.

  “Stop throwing things at me, or I’ll make you pay for it,” he says, flashing a charming smile.